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It never gets weird enough.

Friday, October 29, 2004

she's a lady (of the night)

If you looked up the definition of cool in the dictionary, I bet you'd see a small video clip of me. And I'd probably be rocking out to something extremely awesome...something like, for example, Hootie and the Blowfish, which I happen to be jamming pretty good to right now. And beside the small clip of me it would say ANTONYM: uncool. But you know, I never wanted to be cool anyway. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be noticed. And if I have to shake my ass in a most unattractive manner and sing without ever hitting a right note, and perhaps inventing my own rhythms just to get attention...by god I will do it! You should try it sometime, you'll find it's quite freeing. When the people start looking, it's only cause they wish they could be more like you. You'll know you're on the same level as me if I can say "everytime I look at you I go blind..." and you go, "hell yeah I know that song!" I very much doubt that you're on the same level as me, however, as it takes a lot to reach the epitome of (un)cool.

I have noticed a few of my friends have been rather down lately. I am no doctor, but I think I may have found a few temporary cures:

Most importantly, of course...frankie says relax! I think we all need to stress a little less. Happiness is just a lot more fun. I would know, as I am generally a happy person. And so far y'all, I am having fun. Did you know that Brian Wilson had his first breakdown when the Beatles came out? For good reason obviously, as the Beatles acheived status 'more popular than Jesus' while the Beach Boys hung out with Charles Manson. Anyway, the point is, don't be jealous of the Beatles.

Or...what was the point again?

Hey, did anyone wonder what the F I was talking about with the video clip in the dictionary? What kind of dictionary has video clips, anyway?



Presented by Anita Bonghit |




Thursday, October 21, 2004

Sad, Sad Happenings.

Sadder than the Titanic, even! Not that the Titanic was that sad. "I'll never let go, Jack!" 5 minutes later: glug, glug, glug. WAS THE DOOR NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF YA, BITCH!? This is not about the Titanic, however. This is about the sad, sad happenings in my life.

We will start out with my car. My poor, poor, beloved car, which does not deserve all the ridiculing it gets from certain jealous fags. Well anyway, my poor car (which still needs a name, any suggestions?) is buried in A FOOT OF FREAKING SNOW! Keep in mind I have no idea how much a foot is, but there is a lot of snow! This is sad because a) it means I have not gone for a drive in a long time because b) my mom is a sadist. Also, c) there is snow and it is not even november! I'm not sure what saskatchewan is trying to do to me. Oh wait, yes I do. It's trying to get me the hell out. Survival of the fittest and all, as Darwin said. I am definetly not the fittest. I think I may move down the southern states with my hick boyfriend and we will invest in a pet alligator and walk around saying, "how's your mama 'n' them?" Only no way will our speech have correct punctuation in it, you will totally be able to tell just by listening to us. But down in the southern states there's a lot of incest. And hot, hot sun which my tender Canadian skin probably could not handle. Also it's you know, the States. Alright, veto that plan. The new plan is for me to wear a snowsuit always, and eat lots and lots of steak until I get me some damn insulation. Speaking of insulation, damn I'm hungry. I mean...speaking of steak.
Hmm. I am beginning to become disoriented.

Perhaps I shall go operate a motor vehicle.


Presented by Anita Bonghit |




Sunday, October 17, 2004

Saskatchewan

I was just looking at this thing on Corner Gas. Has anyone else noticed that that Native Canadian (just being politically correct) policeman is a lot taller than everyone else? Just noticing is all. I have come to love that show, as has the rest of the province. I think it is due to our hickness that we just fall in love with any show that recognizes our province, especially enough to pronounce it right. It's weird how you can tell people who are from here...foreigners tend to pronounce it weird. Too much emphasis on the "kat" I think.

As much as I try to love it here, and usually I succeed, today was a rough one. For starters I froze my ass off all fricking day. Luckily it grew back. Just to add to that, all of the hick farmers (who's toughness just puts me to shame, running around in the snow with t-shirts on while I'm inside the heated building wishing I could put my winter coat back on) feel the need to come in and say "cold enough out there for ya?" like they're the first ones to ever think of it. God they're clever.

I laughed everytime though, just knowing that when I am 60 sitting at home freezing, knitting, and pretending that I'm cut out for that shit (both the knitting and the weather), my husband will be downtown asking people "cold enough out there for ya?"


Presented by Anita Bonghit |




Saturday, October 16, 2004

Happy Birthday!

Today is October 16th and my dearest friend Miss Shawna Dawn is 16. In honour of this, let's have a little Shawna tribute. In which I shall share many embarassing stories! Can I get a hell yeah?!

I met Shawna in kindergarden, where I grew to greatly detest her as her hair was a lot cuter than mine. Dammit, her hair is still a lot cuter than mine. We did not run into each other very often, until the 3rd grade, where we shared a group of friends but still managed to never quite become friends ourselver. By that I mean we never talked and invited everyone but each other to our birthday parties. In the 4th grade we started to be friends, however, when we realized we hated everyone else in our class. So as it started, being mean people kept us apart, but in the end, it was eternally what brought us together. How touching, hey?

Our friendship continued through 5th grade, where absolutely nothing of any importance happened I now realize. In the 6th grade we went to Irwin and both hated pretty much every minute of it. This was also when I got my first boyfriend who Shawna kindly referred to as "what's his name" as inevitably he was a boy and we always knew they were no good. In 7th grade we waited everyday after school for 45 minutes for the bus, when we could've walked home in 10. We also felt the need to terrorize everyone on the bus (i.e. The Danny Dickie Saxaphone Case Incident, which needs to be capitalized like that thank you very much). In the 8th grade we took our place as rulers of the school. Not that that's anything to be proud of, as it was Irwin. And that school was kind of skanky now that I think about it. Grade 8 was also when we started drinking more regularly, which wasn't that regularly at all, but god were we bad ass. haha...ish. Also in Irwin there were a lot of really gross boys that for some reason she felt the need to associate herself with...but we won't get into that, cause thinking of them makes me kind of ill.

9th Grade...and the ever famous, ever intimidating high school. Which, by the way, sucked ass for most of the year. I think we spent most of grade 9 hating that school and bonding over our angst towards everyone who was not us. Luckily (I say that begrudgingly) we met some semi-interesting friends halfway through the year, who for some reason unbeknownst to me we are still hanging out with (I say this lovingly). This is also where The Boyfriend (the italics means it's important) came along. I've tried my best for the last year and a half to hate him, I really have, but unfortunately he's kind of loveable. Damn him. Grade 10 was a good year, friends became closer, some of us got our licenses (I am sooo bitter), we had a hell of a lot of fun, and we'll never forget...Chrismakkah! Really, we can't forget it I never took the tree down.

Now we're on to Grade 11, which means only two years left of High School. Of the pretend world. Somedays this intimidates me quite a bit, cause I mean "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PLAN MY FUTURE WHEN THE T-SHIRTS DON'T EVEN FIT ME!!?" But honestly I know that no matter what, when you say best friends it means friends forever.

Love you girl, have a good one cause you know it's your day.


Presented by Anita Bonghit |




Thursday, October 14, 2004

must...stay...awake...

Y'all! It's frickin' Friday Eve! About half an hour ago I realized I was super hungry, and soon after realized that I had not had supper. Today was a good day, though. Except in the morning when I came in the front foyer and there was five million little grade nine girls gathered right where I need to walk. I cannot even stress to you how completely retarded some people are. So I went upstairs and yelled about how people anger me. Then I went to first period where I failed my second history test of the year. I also failed the first one. Haha, well, you win some you lose some, eh? If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. It was really cold and windy out. Now that I am thinking about it I don't know what was so good about this day, but I can feel the happiness in my stomach so concerned I shalln't be. Also I'm listening to Dolly Parton. And y'all can deny it if you like, but Dolly's a classy lady and you know it. Ahh the day off was very nice. I had a bath with an exorbant amount of bubbles.
Sad news however, folks. Today, upon entering my room I found the carrott in less than perfect condition. I suppose, as with everything, age did not quite agree with the carrott. It has become soft, wrinkly, mushy and slightly gray. Quite unlike it's original firm manner. I measured it though, and you might find this quite impressive: 1.5in wide, 7in long. I think the carrott needs a name. I think I hereby dub thee carrott...Johnson. For no particular reason at all. Nope, none at all. I wish that I could share with you a picture of this wonderfully creepy object, but, well, I can't. So too bad, just imagine it.


Presented by Anita Bonghit |




Monday, October 11, 2004

GO AHEAD AND...NOT YET!

I just had a fudgesicle. My throat was aching so I thought that perhaps this would help soothe my ache. I was falsely misled. The fudgesicle was all freezer-burnt (freezer-froze?) and unsatisfying. But I suppose I will move on, as I am just so awesomely tough. You will believe this after you read this conversation I had with my mom yesterday, which I tried to keep accurate, but hey...I sometimes get creative.

"Courtney, remember that conversation we had in Regina?"
"Well mom, we were there for two days...which one would you be referring to?"
"The one about...you know."
"No...OH! The one that made me want to SHOOT MY FOOT OFF with horror?!"
"Yeah, that one."
"I suppose...what about it?"

From here she showed me a demonstration of appropriate seating with boys. If a boy I happen to "fancy" is over, he may sit at one end of the couch and I may sit at the other. We are permitted to hold hands in between, but nothing more. Good night kisses are on the cheek and as short as possible. After explaining this to me she said, "Does that sound good, Ron?" His response? "I would prefer an e-kiss."

Don't you just love parents? Specifically, my parents? Really, aren't they just the greatest?


Presented by Anita Bonghit |




Saturday, October 09, 2004

one more is never enough.

today I went to the beach. That's right. It is October the ninth, and today I went to the beach. The beach was awesome, might I add. I wrote inappropriate things in the sand and laughed at how awesomely awesome I was for being so goddam saskatchewan tough. I am so awesome I am almost turning myself on. And by almost I mean I am making out with the mirror right now.

Ahem. Onto other business. I also had some turkey dinner tonight. And do you know what comes with turkey? (I really don't like turkey, it's too dry and not steakish). But anyway, PUMPKIN PIE. That's what comes with turkey! And also, turkey makes me sleepy. And also I just realized I start a lot of sentences with and. Perhaps that is grammatically incorrect. But perhaps you should just GFY. And then, then you can go cry. Cause you know, I'm tough shit now. ahem. moving along. I'm listening to rap right now to go with my new tough girl persona. Perhaps I shall even pull out my spike bracelet. Now I'm bad ass. And then I'll go park in the no parking areas and be all, "yeah, how do you like me, how do you like me!?" and then I'll dance around all crazy-insane/sexy like. And you'll be all, god I love courtney. or something to that effect.

Ahem. yes. That's right. I said it. Again. Sentence fragments. AHEM! I get the feeling that you are not all that interested in what I have to say. WELL I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT YOU THINK! But you still think I'm cool, right?

Oh, it's been getting so hard, living with the things you do to me!


Presented by Anita Bonghit |




Friday, October 08, 2004

shit's crazy

I have discovered recently that sometimes bad things happen to good people. Things were rough for a bit, and right when I have started to feel better, more bad things spring up.

I could sit here and cry about it, which might be satisfying, but I don't think it would make me feel any better. No, I think this calls for a dance break. Shake your groove thing, yeah yeah yeah.


Presented by Anita Bonghit |




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